The Art of Saying Good- Bye

This summer, my dad passed away and went onto the next world, after living a full 80 years of life. Needless to say, it was a summer of heavy emotion.

I planned on sharing a few things at his memorial service: a brief look back at lessons he taught me, some funny stories of what he did as a grandpa.. and how I saw his life change as he got older.

I’ll admit, I hadn’t really been too emotional working on the service with mom. We planned the service, I put together the program and a slide show with help from my brother … doing all of it in admin mode.

Writing what I was going to say didn’t phase me. 

Reading it out loud did…. And the reality that dad is really gone from this world hit me again that day; the tears came… and I let them fall.

This is the art of saying good bye, I thought.

It’s never just one time.

It’s over, and over, with each moment you realize they are no longer present in your life in the here and now… even if you know you both carry the hope of eternity.

This is the art of saying good bye. 

The weight that your heart carries a bit heaver one day than the next. The teary eyes as your head remembers there are no more memories to make, only ones to remember.

The brief wonder what your own kids or others will say about you when you are gone, and the legacy you will leave (and then your brain telling you to PASS GO, do NOT stop on this block of the Monopoly board because it will take you down a rabbit hole you do not need to go down.)

You remember the good things, the things that made you laugh, the smile, the questions. You remember what they taught you even without words, things you picked up just because of how they lived.

You (hopefully) forgive the hard things, the times they weren’t there or the times you were misunderstood .. or you start working on those spaces in your soul that need to be worked on now that they are gone.

And, if you can, you take a moment to remember you are not the first person to walk this road. Others have been where you are, and they will be there for you in this time, because they know the road well. Let them be present for you. You just have to BE.

Then you set your sails forward, because life goes on, and tomorrow is another day. It will get easier, but give yourself grace for it to take as long as it needs to, because there is not a timeline on grief.

Dad – I’m so grateful for you in my life. I’ll miss getting to watch movies over and over because you couldn’t remember you had already seen them. I’ll miss sharing cookies and milk with you for dessert, and reminiscing about stories growing up. Your grandkids are sporting your hot rod t-shirts with pride, and I’ve cuddled up in the Germany sweatshirt a few times now that it’s cooler weather. We’re loving on mom and she will be just fine. My brother and I have a lot more to do here in this life… thanks for giving us a great start and always cheering us on. Love you!

This is the art of saying good bye.