I have a love/hate relationship with the phrase “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” I know the intention is good, and I know it’s a way to remind people that there is always a way to take something that might leave a sour taste in your mouth and look at it a different way, or change your attitude so that you learn from it, and it becomes sweeter. Most of my life, I try to live that way, so I get it.
That being said, with loss of any kind – a job, a relationship, a child/friend/parent, a dream, your health – when you are in the throws of grief – there is NO making of lemonade. Or lemon martinis. Or lemon bars. Or lemon anything. It might make you want to THROW lemons at someone, or something though….. (never thought of that. Hmmmmm.)
Let’s be honest: making lemonade when life gives you lemons might work when its inconvenient stuff, but it sure as heck doesn’t work when you feel like life is falling down around you through no fault of your own.
You see – we might all know the verse where Jesus says “In this world, you will have trouble (in Greek the word also is used to mean affliction and anguish). But take heart! I have overcome the world”
If I’m honest, that verse wasn’t helpful to me at all when Jon and I starting talking about dissolving our marriage.. and I felt like I couldn’t even say that because what would that say about me? It’s hard to admit, but sometimes, even when you love God, it’s hard to take comfort in His word. It can feel like work, pressing in and striving to get your brain to follow the words on the page.
In some ways, it felt like trying to make lemonade out of lemons. And just in case you are wondering: I have experienced my share of trouble in life. I knew that following Jesus never meant life would be free of problems. I had told others this countless times. I had prayed and fasted. I knew how to hold onto the Lord and his promises. I knew how to deal with hard stuff. Yet somehow divorce was one thing I was sure that I would escape, because with God, all things are possible. With God, marriage can get through anything. I think I kept hoping I would somehow wake up and it would all just be a bad dream, that the conversation never happened, or that Jon would change his mind. It never happened. Reality just kept staring me in the face. Suddenly it was as if the part of me that knew all I had already learned about hiding in God and believing for things was on hold. I didn’t recognize myself any more.
I had to find something to hold onto.
That verse for me became Hebrews 6:19, a verse that I have worn on my wrist ever since then:
“For we have this hope as an anchor for our souls, firm and secure….”
The truth of this verse became my banner. Nearly 9 months later, it still is.
As much as we might think we are strong, or that “we got this” – our souls need to have something to hold onto when life feels like its falling apart. Sometimes it can be hard to find that one thing – but I believe the One that knows us best knows we need truth to hold onto. Don’t give up. God doesn’t change in his faithfulness or love for you, even when people do. Cry out. Ask for what you need, ask for something to hold onto.
What would surprise me every now and then is just how much the Lord knew what I needed. You see, panic attacks (which I had never before) became a way of life for me for a while. I dealt with them the way I had always dealt with hard stuff in the past: I went running. Partly to think, partly to pray, partly to give my body a more natural reason for breathing heavy.
I’ll never forget the night I had gone on a run, feeling lonely in my pain and needing to just…..well, I guess you might say I was having a pity party, attendance: one.
I plugged in my headphones, tied up my shoes, and went for a run. I had a mix of some worship music that I had been listening to at the time, songs to remind me of God’s promises, songs that I could get lost in when I just needed to know His presence. I had just finished one of the hills in the neighborhood and decided to lay on the park bench at the top and finish listening to the song (and cry).
I am smiling just thinking about it. Why?
Because right as the song finished, the sprinklers kicked on and I got soaked. I have never jumped out of a bench and sprinted to the sidewalk so fast in my life! All I could do was laugh. It was as if the Lord said, “ok, you got your cry out – now stop being so full of yourself! Time to get your eyes back on me and WHO I AM TO YOU!”
I think I laughed all the way home after that 🙂
You see, it can be easy to get stuck in the mire of pain and grief, but it’s up to you to determine if you will stay there. You may not be able to determine the timeline or intensity of the grief process, but when you can hold onto Truth that is bigger than what you are going through, it makes a difference.
If sometimes, you are dragged out with unexpected laughter, let yourself enjoy it! It doesn’t mean you are “all better”, and it doesn’t mean things still aren’t hard. But it can be life-giving if you let it.
Oh, one last thing. A great book I would recommend for you or anyone that you know who is just starting to go through loss and grief is the book “How to Survive a Shipwreck” by Jonathan Martin. He does an amazing job helping his readers face loss, assess how to move forward, and take care of their souls in the midst of it all.
Guess that’s all for now. Blessings!!
Tama I’m so sorry for what you went and are going through. I have been there myself. Thank you for your encouraging words and reminders that God is always there even at the toughest times. I will continue to enjoy your words of wisdom. God bless!
Thanks Kerry! And yes, so much we learn about ourselves and the Lord in hard times. Blessings to you as well!
I am heart sick for you and your family. I can’t imagine the pain the four of you are going through as you all struggle to find your new normal. Each day I pray for the four of you that all of you can stay strong and find renewed purpose in life. May God be with all of you as you move forward.
Tama, I am all about throwing the lemons 😂
On a serious note your verse is a verse I anchored onto last year. My 2017 word was anchor.
This year it is victory – Romans 8:37 overwhelming victory is mine through Christ who loved me.
Still praying for all of you mr friend.
Lemons 🍋 eat at my gut if they are sour or sweet. It’s the acid inside of them that secures a later time slot for colon rebellion.
So, I’m with you and Laura. Using the lemons as target practice fixes the problem and no one’s gut get hurt, and there’s the added bonus of releasing any anger that they brought with them.
Hope is my life word. I have it tattooed on my wrist. It soothes my spirit and softly embraces my soul when I soak in its grace. I’m glad you have found comfort in hope as well.
I’m with you. I love you, my friend. I’m so sorry that you are facing such loss and pain.
Haha! Love your analogy Kate! And believe me, if I could handle needles I might get the Hebrews verse tattooed as well (I am a wimp when it comes to needles). I know Jon has his own pain in this too, I have to trust he is also working on his own healing . Thanks, my friend!
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