Can we let them represent?

A friend of mine and her husband do something really cute. Each year, they get one of those small square flip calendars that has one page for each day, showing what day it is to celebrate. Like National Chocolate Chip Cookie day, or National Ballet Day or National Sock Day. Then they do just about all of them. It’s fun to watch when they post their pictures on social media – and definitely gave them something fun to pursue this past year staying home!

Needless to say, when I went to Michael’s last year for some scrapbook pages, I ran across a sticker book for calendars that had a bunch of those holidays in them and I just had to get it.  I have had fun using them making certain desserts for my husband and I, and for sending notes (like to my niece.. did you know your birthday is on national bologna day?)  – but I will never forget the day one of the stickers hit home for me.

Back in March, my youngest chose to use International Women’s Day to come out as non-binary, in a pretty public forum. I know it was a huge step for them, but I will be honest that I scrolled past it and was a bit shocked. Not that we hadn’t talked some before then, but because I immediately went to a place of trying to figure out how I was going to respond when folks called or texted me to ask me about it, and to check in on how I was doing. What’s a mom to do? No matter how you feel about someone coming out, when it’s your own kid, it hits you differently, I will not deny that. Regardless of what it caused me to begin processing internally, I determined I would remain committed to love them. 

I worried of the judgement that my youngest would face, not just from family and friends but even people that didn’t know them.. and sure enough, it happened. The bullying they dealt with in junior high didn’t even compare. We’re talking actual hate speech on one platform. I don’t care how much someone may disagree with their coming out – it was flat out horrible. Thank goodness they didn’t let it speak into their life at this age, but all of my momma bear protectiveness went up just hearing about it, that’s for sure.

So back to the sticker calendar. That first day was really hard for me, I admit. I hadn’t checked the sticker calendar for a while, and low and behold, on March 9th I saw this:

I had to laugh. After many tears and prayers the 24 hours prior, I saw it as God’s nudge to step back from it for a minute and think of the big picture: 

I know the journey this kid has taken. I know the Lord has spoken – and still does – very uniquely to them. They have witnessed God’s saving power in their own life. That is still an important thing to them. Sure, they are in the “figure out who you are” phase that all 20 year olds go through right now, but God’s right there in the middle. He knows them.

For the next generation, they will be growing up in a world where “coming out” happens less and less. From a societal perspective, understanding self as male/female/non-binary may be more common. Schools are considering changing to more gender inclusive language and teaching of alternate family structures.  I know that according to the latest Gallup poll, only around 5.6% of Americans self identify as LGBTQ, so it’s still going to be a very small percentage of folks.  But acceptance of this community will grow, even as we have seen legal rights be extended to them in the forms of marriage and equal protection under the law from a job perspective. From a human right’s perspective, I’m glad to see this happen. 

As a Christian, it could be easy to shrug this off and say that is “of the world” and to stay in my nice bubble of being heterosexual and just not worry about it. But as I’ve tried to share my own thoughts and considerations in my previous posts, the body of Christ cannot afford to sit on the sidelines and ignore this small percentage of people – especially the next generation – as they recognize their own identity. Why? Because its not just “in the world”. It’s people in our churches that have been silent about it because they are not sure people can handle the truth, it’s your kids or your nieces and nephews, or it could be kids in your neighborhood.

Yes, I know it’s not something as a Christian you might be comfortable with. You might wonder how as a Christian you could stand alongside someone who is LGBTQ and be an ally and still honor God, because doesn’t the Bible say homosexuality is wrong? (again, I do not disagree that the scriptures address it, but there is enough I have read about how to interpret the context and original language that has challenges me to have a more grace-filled view of this as well as to question of some misinterpretation. See end of post for book recommendations.)

There are too many that I know who have walked away from church because they could not reconcile their sexual identity with their understanding of God. That breaks my heart. Since when is sexuality related at all to salvation? 

My questions are these:

For the next generation, for those in the LGBTQ community and their friends, how do we ensure the news of the kingdom is still told? How do we make sure the story of redemption is one they will carry on, one they will seek Jesus for, one they will submit their lives to? If we do not accept them in the church, how will they learn the story?

On top of that – who will the larger LGBTQ community let speak into their lives? My guess is, they are more willing and able to hear the message of faith and God’s deliverance and freedom from someone who is in the community and can still bind themselves to Jesus. 

So… can we let Jesus be their Messiah?

Each one of us rises or falls to our own Master. Do we really think that since God knit them together in their mother’s womb (as Psalm 139 teaches), He didn’t know that when their pituitary glad kicked in and puberty started, those rush of hormones was going to make them realize they liked someone of the same sex, or be attracted to both? Yes they probably tried to hide it because its not acceptable to say that in church or their family. Even if they do mention it for prayer, there’s often a sense of shame with it because they cannot make these unwanted attractions go away. Why would they choose to feel this way? So they hide them until they move away from home, and because 20 year olds naturally go through times of questioning their parents faith to make it their own, the two collide and they feel they must choose between faith or being honest with themselves.

I’m not saying that happens to everyone. Some go their whole lives and never mention it to anyone.  Yet if what matters is kingdom living and lives that reflect the forgiveness and love of Christ, the justice and mercy God calls for all throughout the old testament (Micah 6:8 “What does the Lord require of you? To act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your God) – why do we tend to forget to look at this side, and only focus on the attraction/sexuality side? Can we risk saying “I don’t understand, it doesn’t make sense to me, but I will love you, I will learn, and I will trust God enough with your walk in this”?

Even within the LGBTQ Christian community, there is disagreement on how to walk in the freedom of your identity and remain faithful as a disciple, yet the conversation is respectful. In many ways it is reflective for me of a similar conversation Paul had in Corinthians when the church there was arguing over whether or not they should eat meat sacrificed to an idol. What matters is the power of the Spirit in the life of a believer, and whether or not they are obedient to the voice of the Lord.

Folks, I’ll be honest – this is still an ongoing dialogue for me. It’s still complex and nuanced and hard, and not everyone is willing to listen or walk this road. I get that. But I have to wrestle, for the sake of my kids and the community they are part of. I have to because of the heart of Jesus is to meet people where they are and invite them into relationship.

So let’s love with abandon, die to self in showing grace when it might be hard, be willing to learn, and show them they are acceptable to the Lord by how we invite them in.

Blessings!

Tama

Book recommendations

Love is an Orientation by Andrew Marin

Torn by Justin Lee

God and the Gay Christian by Matthew Vines

Unclobber by Colby Martin

Walking the Bridgeless Canyon by Kathy Baldock

Two views on Homesexuality, the Bible, and the Church by Zondervan publishers

 (Counterpoints Bible & Theology series)

A Change of Affection by Becket Cook

And if you are looking for resources to further understand or know how to love this community better, check out QChristian.

What is freedom?

My new routine in the morning has me up, pets fed and out, by about 5:15 in the morning. Still dark, and pretty cold in the lower level of the house, I then like to curl up in a really fuzzy blanket, hop on the couch, and pray for a bit to start my day. Now granted, not every morning starts like this (especially NOT the ones where I forget I have a 6am meeting and have decided to “sleep in” til 5:30. Those are a bit more rushed!)

Anyway.. this morning I grabbed my daughter’s old bible and flipped to Corinthians. The verse they had circled and highlighted to focus on was one that brought to mind an old worship song:

2 Cor 3:17 “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom”

I thought… yes… how true I have found that to be.

But my next though was how I could say that only because I had experienced it in my own life. How would someone who had never experienced the freedom of God read this? Yet I know we do this sometimes, don’t we? Its easy to read a verse you have read before and maybe mentally acknowledge it, yet never really GET it.

Kind of like the treasure in the field that Jesus talked about. You have to dig. You have to want it and set out to find it, and when you do, its fully your choice to find yourself back at that place.

So what was Paul talking about when he said there is freedom where the Spirit of the Lord is? Freedom from what? I’m not sure he was talking about strictly salvation.

In this same passage Paul is talking about how people can often have veils over their eyes or their hearts to understand the message that God wants to share with them. He is specifically speaking about the Jews hearing the message of Jesus, but think about this in your own life: haven’t there been times when you have just felt blind to spiritual truths or things about God that you didn’t get, and then something happened or you went through an experience and all of a sudden you feel like your eyes were opened to understand something new?

So think about the idea of freedom in this context. Whether its a veil over our understanding of God, or a wall we put up holding him at arms length – it’s to this place I think what Paul said made the most sense:

When you are in a place where God’s Spirit is, there is freedom:

– freedom to admit you don’t have it all together, and let Him hold you and bring His peace

– freedom to let go of an image you feel you have to uphold for other people

– freedom to ask questions you are too afraid to put into words

– freedom to set down burdens and guilt you have been carrying, and receive His mercy

– freedom to not have to be the one in charge any more, and breathe in His strength

– freedom to be who you were called to be, without any competing voices

– freedom to laugh and find joy in the face of circumstances that shout “you can’t have that now!”

– freedom to climb up into the arms of One who loves you no matter how big your daddy/mommy/abandonment/identity issues are, and no matter who thinks you are nuts for still believing in a God that is able to love this deeply

The most beautiful truth about this? God’s spirit is ever present. Yes, there are times when it might be more evident, like in a time of worship or silent reverence, but its also found in those deep conversations between friends. Or in places of natural beauty that iPhones and cameras strain to capture.

This time of year, as all sorts of voices shout at you for all sorts of reasons, I hope that you take time to remember it was a pretty dark and ugly world that Jesus stepped into… kind of like ours today. I also hope you can believe that part of His purpose was to bring your heart and your soul out of the darkness that it might find itself in from time to time.

So let his light shine for you today, and welcome His Spirit, as much as you can grasp, that you might be able to find some places of freedom this season!